Everything felt like it had been spinning for what seemed
like eternity, until it all suddenly stopped and I opened my eyes. Was I still spinning? That's the funny thing about being born
and living on a planet your entire life.
Everything and everyone you know is spinning relative to everything
else, making it seem as if nothing is moving at all, when it’s really all
spinning very fast indeed. If you
actually do stop and remain still in exactly one point in space and time, your
perspective on everything changes instantly.
You see everything and everyone from an entirely different viewpoint and
there’s no going back to the way it was before.
I remembered all the stories I had learned in school and
everything I had been taught by my family, and from this new and strangely
static vantage point, I saw it all differently.
I knew which stories were only showing one side, or two sides, or no
sides at all, and genuinely remained a mystery.
I could see all the stories all at once, where the holes in them had been filled by comfortable lies,
and where uncomfortable gaps had been intentionally left to warn those who
could read between the lies, so as not to question the official story too much.
“Morning”, grumbled Dan, looking at me with a face that
matched the tone of his scraggly voice, clearly before he had his morning
coffee.
It was 8:30 in the morning and the rest of my co-workers had
yet to arrive. I logged into my workstation
in my cubicle, typing in my 24-character password with capital letters, numbers
and special characters all required, and changed every 60 days as per company
policy. Pretty standard for most
industries, but I couldn’t get passed the feeling that I was being conditioned
into an automaton, being tasked to do, and remember increasingly pointless things and recite increasingly out-dated information every morning, for some more nefarious purpose. Is that a normal thought? Should I be having this thought?
“Sup, John!” Enrique said, nodding in my direction.
“Wassup, senor Taco!”
I said, smiling back. Senor Taco
was Enrique’s favorite local restaurant and a man who loved his tacos.
My brain spits out “taco cat is taco cat spelled backwards”
somewhere in its deep recesses, as I type my password in yet again, as
two-factor authentication (also industry standard) requires my intervention so
I can log into my ticketing system. I
type my password into computers dozens of a time a day, everyday, without
thinking, yet thinking stupid little facts about things like taco cats. This knowledge is useless, yet infinitely
more rewarding and meaningful than actually thinking what my password
characters are. Fortunately, my fingers
know what my password is much faster than my brain does, as I try not to think
about it and think of more pleasant things, like taco cats.
We will have our virtual staff meeting in t-minus two
minutes. It always begins at the same
time every morning, and as a general rule, the managers are the only ones
allowed to speak. If one of the
non-mangers wishes to speak, they must raise their virtual hand in the virtual
chat room and await their virtual turn. I put on
my "real" headphones and turn on my "real" camera.
“John, you have your hand raised. Do you have a question?” It’s Josh, our CTO who runs the morning
meeting.
“No, I just wanted to say we moved all the people in
building H into building M, and all went smoothly”
“Good job, John. Is
there anyone else with any questions?”
Kevin raises his virtual hand.
“Go ahead Kevin”, Josh replies.
“Did you see the new Star Wars episode last night?”
“I didn’t catch it, Kevin.
Was it any good?”
“Yes, it was very good.
I enjoyed it quite a bit”
“That’s great. I’m
sure a lot of people will enjoy it here.
I will have to DVR it sometime.
Is there anymore questions?”
No virtual hands are raised.
“Okay then, everybody have a great day and stay safe!”
Stay safe? Stay safe
from what? Is there some kind of monster
or serial killer on the loose? Josh, our
CTO, says that at the end of every god damn staff meeting, as if he has a
script in his head that just blurts it out, regardless if it’s applicable or
not. Is Josh a robot? Has he been…roboticized?
“Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto!” my brain says. Ugh…really brain? Are you going to do this to me at 9:00 in the
morning ?
Fine. I’m YouTubing
“Styx” Mr. Roboto to let the ear wig burn itself out, or until another more
powerful ear wig takes its place…of course, then it does.
“I’M SAAAAAILING AWAY.
SET AN OPEN COURSE, FOR THE VIRGIN SEAAAAAAA. CUZ I’VE GOT TO BE FREEEE, FREE TO FACE THE
LIFE THAT’S AHEAAAAD OF MEEEEE”
At least I have headphones to get me through the day, and
YouTube. Where would I be without
YouTube?
IN A HAPPIER PLACE THAN THIS.
Who said that? What
part of my brain said that…
YOU KNOW WHO. IT
AIN’T VOLDEMORT EITHER.
My brain has this annoying habit of speaking in the third
person sometimes. Is that…my conscience?
YEAH, LET’S GO WITH THAT.
HAHAHAHA. LET’S BLOW THIS
POPSICLE STAND!
I can’t do that, I have work to do! But I could go for a walk outside…
OKAY. LET’S GO LOOK
FOR ALIGATORS!
I suppose I can do that for about 15 minutes and justify it
as a health walk. Sure…
YAY!
Okay, time to walk.
Just me and you brain.
